Updated: Apr 7
The new Women's Ministry might be Men's Ministry, and visa versa. Let me explain:
Relationships are a vital part of the human experience. When God made male and female he had a plan in mind called marriage. Today, romance is tough, and many have taken notice. For both men and women, our modern culture of romantic interaction and exchange is leaving many people feeling lonely and unsatisfied. Women are naturally more emotionally connected. So we are more likely to want a family and long-term relationship; and there was a time that men found it beneficial to oblige. Well, thanks to many "social adjustments", that time is no more.
There are a few things I want to say before I get too deep so I am not misunderstood...first, I want to say that I know I am saved only by grace! My righteous is of God. Jesus’ blood makes me holy not my own internal compass or "moral superiority." My intentions, like all humans, leans toward evil.
With that being said, I, like a few others in the world, have made a decision to lay my life down for Messiah. I choose to hear and obey Him. Therefore, I’ve made some decisions in my life that many others have not. That doesn’t mean I'm better than anyone, but it does mean I am covered (Psalm 91). I am certainly not perfect, but I am certainly abiding In His love.
In our modern, post-sexual-revolution world, I have made the decision to honor God in love, sex, and marriage. I honor others' marriages by trying my best to protect the interest of both husband and wife in my interactions with my married friends. In dating, I try my best to respect myself, the other party, and my Heavenly Father. I am not easy or cheap. Sadly, like many walking in holiness, I have been emotionally misused and have at times, been overcome by loneliness, and self-doubt. I must confess, it’s been quite painful upholding a standard the majority of Christians are not.
I have lived most my life without any companionship. That special knowing and being known by another. In the midst of this deficit and confusion, sometimes I compromise and do stupid things. Many women can relate. We don't mean to disrespect ourselves, we are just starving in this modern world to be valued. God designed women to love and be loved. Sadly, satan knows this, and has displaced "would be husbands" distracting them with the pleasures of the world.
Modern men make it very easy for satan to do this.
I must say, there are a lot of great men in this world, making a difference everyday. Hard working, present fathers, who are trying their best to live for God. There are many good men who cannot find a sane, good woman. Looking at the big picture, however, through personal research and study, things are not looking good for my generation specifically. Not just when it comes to marriage but finding mature, emotionally healthy men period. More and more men are avoiding major responsibility until older and older ages, if ever.
Millennials resolve to being pleasure-seekers while the reports of loneliness and depression are on the rise.
In our modern times, many daughters of God who are told “they are the prize”, soon learn they are not. Value is strictly tied to demand. Period. High demand = high value. Men uphold women with high moral standards on a pedestal, in their minds only, their actions say something very different, loudly. Men prefer easy, aka, "low hanging fruit." Research shows that modern men are less motivated to take on challenges in the real world (see this article by Dr. Sax). Therefore, a woman that would have been revered 30 years ago, as the kind of woman the average man would want by his side is now seen as "intimidating."
I often hear, "he that finds a wife finds a good thing" like it's some sort of hocus pocus of receiving a husband. Women are faced with the duty of doing nothing, while the man "seeks after God to find her." Who, where? I am watching my sisters wait over a decade for a compatible man willing to put the work in a relationship. I am not talking just someone wanting to marry them, I am talking about decades waiting for someone who isn't playing some game. That's a problem specific to godly women. It would be different if they had several long-term relationships that didn't work out. Now, it's rare they even get to the long-term part without having to make some major compromises.
On the beautiful and much anticipated day I stand face to face with my future husband...there will be a very REAL and practical story behind this very REAL man. Men who witnessed to him about Jesus and him making the decision to get healed and get real with God.
Yes, God is very involved in the wait for a spouse. That doesn't give us permission to overspirtualize this and not acknowledge that there is a problem in our culture that is affecting The Church. Pick your Gallup polls or church polls, the results are the same: most youth, especially boys leave the church when they go to college and do not return. Do we actually think we have no role to play in the Great Commission? Do we really think our actions now, do not affect future generations? Or do we really think God is some genie that cleans up our mess and magically creates godly men from stardust?
Let's also talk about the brave men who have actually gotten married. Most do not have a strong brotherhood to be vulnerable with about life's struggles or be held accountable to live above the culture. As a result, Christian marriages are falling apart. Women need strong Men's Ministries in our communities. We are tired of fighting this alone. Men are the highest consumers of sex trafficking in the world. The US is the highest consumer of humans purchased for sex. Men give their children identity. Children who grew up with a father in the home are less likely to go to jail and more likely to graduate high school. Girls with fathers at home are less likely to get pregnant before the age of 18. We know the facts, yet how many churches you know have a thriving men's ministry?
Therefore, I, Desiree Cummings, would like to make this declaration, I am a woman of God deeply in need of a Spirit-led Men's Ministry to impact this region. It is bigger than just any one church.
I've met a lot of good single men in my life. They were just isolated from true sons of God and distracted by the culture. They're unprepared for women like me. They often made comments that I was a 'wonderful" or "rare, amazing woman"...but they still walked away. Sadly, this has caused me to look at myself, over and over, re-inventing me, healing me, trying to figure out what is so wrong with me? That brokenness takes time to heal and then risking it all again to give another man a chance.
This is not a woe is me, this is a call to action. I know God's hand is not short, He is never out of resources, He is preparing a son of God for me. This isn't just about me. I'm calling out a cycle and trend that is hurting our families and our future. While God's daughters are waiting, we are being damanged.
As I write, I feel led by the Spirit to also say this, regardless of how your marriage has turned out, marriage is beautiful. I know that might hit hard for some, but we cannot forget, God made marriage. Wake up and look around you. Our communities suffer, and Kingdom work is stifled by weak family values.
Daughters, if you're waiting on your husband, then get healed from past wounds. Trust me, you need to seek healing. Modern dating leaves both men and women scarred and bruised. God is calling His sons to establish a culture of winning the souls of men. Building up men and giving them a safe space to heal.
Why is the Bride losing her sons to the world? God is ready to give you the answer if you only ask.