Updated: Apr 7
Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.
While this one is mainly for the ladies, gentleman you also need to keep your heart and some of this might help you too.
Why Do I Keep Falling For the Same...
You know you've asked that question. I also get, "Desiree, how did I end up. here?"
I get asked these questions from my clients so much. They wonder why they keep falling in the same patterns in a relationships. Others, already in marriage, are watching their spouse change for the worse and itis devastating.
The answer to this question lies in the matters of the heart (the mind, will, and emotions).
What are the Matter of the Heart?
Who we focus on, admire, and exalt in our lives (this is could be ourselves, celebrities, Jesus, or some other god). Many women, especially BIPOC women, get this one messed up. We "love Jesus" but we still exalt, admire and focus on our favorite entertainers. Jesus requires more than your mental affirmation and belief. He requires your very life:
"26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26-27
Jesus said we must count the cost before we even think about being His disciple. In our seeker-friendly churches, you don't often hear this sort of meaty messages of Jesus. They are heavy but they are part of this beautiful life in Christ.
Your inner world being at peace and rest in Christ. Your inner peace comes from practicing forgiveness and allowing healing. How you handle pain and hurt is important matter of the heart; emotional and mental wellness.
Ways to Keep Your Heart
Make sure Jesus comes first. Many men and women going through divorce, break ups, or loneliness are often faced with an important test of their true priorities. Who comes first in your life? Making sure that God stays first in your life is important in keeping your heart (mind, will and emotions).
Vet potential partners well. Many people rush into relationships and by rush I am not talking about time, I'm talking about preparation. People ignore red flags, overlook aspects of their partner that does not align with their vision for life (much less God's), or some even marry someone they are not fully attracted to. Furthermore, according to a report published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Associate Professor of Communication Studies Jeffrey Hall found that it takes about 50 hours of time together to move from acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go to “friend” status and 200+ hours to consider someone a close friend. I see too many women falling for men who say or do the right things for the 1st month and then get tragically heartbroken when things begin to fall apart.
Sidenote: many men and women fall in this trap because they have a distorted sense of identity AND they are lonely. Usually that combination leads to these bad relationship decisions. More on that in articles to come.
Divorce your emotions from those who are piercing your heart. I am not a fan of divorce because God isn't. However, when your spouse is beginning to pull away and wound your heart, it is time to step back and "divorce" from the power they have over your feelings and give that part of your heart back to God. This may be controversial for some, but it is something I discuss with clients going through emotionally abusive situations in marriages or in other close relationships. Furthermore, God should always have all of our hearts, but as is human nature, when we are "in love" and start to believe we can trust someone and become familiar with another, we pair-bound, we come into emotional union with them. This is neither right nor wrong, it is just human nature, like farting.
I hope this article was helpful for you. Next I will go further into how to establish a healthy self-concept based in Christ.
Please join to get notifications when the next one is published!