Why Are So Many Millennials Single?
So many men and women ask themselves: why am I still single? Why have I found it so hard to find my 'person?'
Moreover, people have asked me, why are you still single? Wish I knew, so I asked God, LOL. This blog is a practice of vulnerability about my experiences to open a dialogue among Christians about REAL issues.
So why am still single? Let me tell you why I am still single. I am still single because I am a daughter of God, holy as He has made me holy, not based on my actions. I have been shaped and molded in the image of the Father by yielding to the Holy Spirit over these 23 years that I've known Him. That was MY choice. I have CHOSEN God's ways when it came to sex and sexuality, even when it wasn't fun. Even when it was very lonely. However, most of my brothers and sisters, have not.
Oh I know, that is certainly not the only reason I'm single or even the main reason. People remain single for many reasons, including poor attachment habits and unhealed emotional scars. However, as God often does, He is showing me "the big picture." How dating relationships are being handled by most people in Western society, is making dating a wild jungle of craziness for all of us. We are all playing games and we all LOSING. Men I have dated are inspired by me, they respect me, but they do not chose me. That's actually a good thing, but in the moment it hurts, A LOT.
What prompted the writing of this post is that there is another truth that hit me just today. A truth that hits home to me and probably all of us: that we have been living in a delusion that our individual actions do not affect the course of the whole. That the Body of Christ has members whose actions affect the other members. Yes, just like a real body. So how did we miss this huge revelation?
"...that we have been living in a delusion that our individual actions do not affect the course of the whole."
Americans act in isolation, we call it “independence.” But we are fools. We haven't figured out that the actions of one affect the collective. A big propaganda of the gay movement was "what does our lifestyle have to do with you?" Well the reality is people's choices affect all of us. A "ripple effect" so to speak, in a way that, if it doesn't affect you personally, it will certainly affect your children. Look at our world now, almost 50 years after the "Sexual Revolution." Broken homes that lead to depression, drug abuse, insecure attachments, and crime that affects all us.
Christian believers (the majority of the population) caught in the cultural trap have unintentionally created a bad situation for all of us. Oh I know that's harsh, and I thank God for forgiveness because I've definitely needed it myself. But you see, even in forgiveness, consequences remain. God forgives murderers but the person they killed is still gone. We have to remember that the world's culture is against God; it displaces godly men and makes godly women unappreciated and least desired.
I realize how other's actions have affected me but I am actually not upset. I am filled compassion for women, both believers and non-believers. We have been confused by the feminist cultural movement in relation to our deepest desires for companionship, protection and provision. Men are even more confused. We've all had to adjust and readjust. Films and music have not helped either. There are a lot of really good women out there who give their bodies up easy. There are a lot of pretty girls out there, who think that sex is how they will receive the love they desperately need. These women do not want to be alone all their life. Femininity was designed for relationship, to love and be loved. So we do what we feel we need to in order to not be alone. Trust me, I have done it myself. I am guilty of compromising! It's really hard when only a handful of women are taking a stand. It takes a village, it takes a collective decision…it has to be more than just a scattered few here and there.
As a result, men have been conditioned to test drive a woman, date for years (cue Tinder ad), and settle for the abundance of low hanging fruit. Why do men even need to get married? Divorce court is almost always in the women's favor. The culture has made it a lose-lose situation for the honorable man who actually wants to commit one woman.
So What Do We Do?
That's a loaded question. It's going to take a shift in a our way of thinking about our responsibility to our communities and the next generation. Ingrained in men is a desire to pass on legacy, to lead, provide, and protect. We have to reject the larger culture and be very different. Ingrained in women is a desire to guard virtue, to nurture, to cultivate and create prosperous environments.
As a counselor it is my job to teach men and women about their true God-given nature, free of the pesky influence of the devil's culture. It's going to take one man and one woman at a time. Lead by the power of His love, we can change. It's going to take a willingness to be different. To not only believe in God but obey God because we believe in Him.